As I get older, friends have come and gone, flying in and out of my life as quickly as they arrived. This is due to various factors including where I lived, the jobs I’ve had or simply because we lost touch. No doubt anyone reading this has had a similar experience. Part of the human condition involves relationships that will either stick with the force of Crazy Glue or the lesser adhesion of Scotch Tape. Time, location and changes as we age all play a factor in who we continue to be friends with and who drops off the map entirely.
The friends you keep, the friends you have for a lifetime, are special ports of call that will always be willing to accept your vessel, no matter the condition.
When my family and I moved from New Jersey to South Carolina, I had a difficult time adjusting. As you can imagine, the differences in food, culture and people were pretty stark. The relationship with my childhood best friend, the one I had known for 6 years and spent almost every waking moment with, was severed forever. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was the first of many situations where friendships would come and go over the course of my life.
Eventually I made friends in the neighborhood we now called home. Rather than choosing them due to shared interests and personalities, they were a result of location and desperation. They all lived close to me and I craved friendships to fill the gap of the friend I had lost. After a few years, all of my newfound friends had gone by the wayside.
Their ports of call were no longer open to me; however, new ports opened shortly thereafter that would prove to have longevity far beyond any I could have imagined.
At this point, I have two groups of friends, those I made in high school and the others I made in college. Over the years there has been some intersection and even a complete merger between the two, but they are distinct in how they continue to shape my life.
My high school friends were there for me in the years of first girlfriends, limited self confidence and body dysmorphia. In other words, the teenage years where you’re attempting to figure out how you fit into this crazy world of ours.
College was a different story altogether. The relationships I had made in high school provided me with the confidence to be myself and remake who I wanted to be rather than who anyone else thought I was. Some of this growth was good, other parts would be cause for embarrassment as I’ve gotten older, but all of it led to a group of friends I still keep in contact with today.
Two completely separate ports of call with one shared commonality: true friends will make an effort, no matter the time removed or distance between you.
I’ve told my daughters more than once that friends will breeze in and out of your life; however, true friends will last a lifetime. Whether you have fifteen true friends or one is of no consequence. It may even be that the one true friend you have in life is your parent, spouse or significant other. Again, defining who it is matters little, having an ability to define one is the important part.
It’s hard to navigate the trials and tribulations that impact our daily lives. Having a safe harbor in which to dock our proverbial boats in order to avoid an oncoming storm is vital to our happiness.
True friends are the people who help you weather life’s storms—and occasionally show up with a six-pack of cheap beer, questionable advice and no intention of letting you face the chaos alone.
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